Anonymous asked: 1/2 I'm bi and I recently found out that my boyfriend outed me to his family and family friends and talked in context about "how lucky he is that there's a possibility of a threesome" with them and I'm not ashamed of my sexuality at all but it
2/2 just makes me a little uncomfortable that people I’ve never met know this stuff about me and I wasn’t the one to tell them. How can I tell my boyfriend to stop outing me and also to stop talking about the threesome thing?
There is an unfortunate thing that happens to bi people, where their sexuality is either ignored (“bi people don’t really exist, you’re just pretending for attention or because you’re not ready to come out as gay.” is a thing I hear a lot in reference to bi people.) or fetishized.
It sounds like the latter is what is happening here. First of all, outing ANYONE is super fucked up. Your sexuality is yours to disclose to people when you feel ready. Second of all, outing you in order to brag about being able to have a threesome is just straight up gross. (First of all, who talks to their family about that stuff? Seriously?) It’s turning you not into his partner, but instead into an opportunity for some sexual exploit. That’s not okay.
And that’s how I’d talk to him about it. What he’s doing is dehumanizing, exploitative and wildly inappropriate. You are not The Bisexual Unicorn of Threesomes. You’re his partner. You’re his partner first and foremost and if he can’t respect that you have boundaries, he needs to shove off.
Just straight up tell him to stop. That it makes you feel gross. It’s not okay. It’s invasive and rude. He doesn’t have the right to out you (or anyone else) to anyone. When you’re ready to talk about your sexuality, you will be the one to do it. And it won’t be in the context of some potential threesome.
Basically, he sounds like a world class jerk who doesn’t understand the stigma attached to bisexuality or how what he’s doing is playing into really fucked up stereotypes about bi people.
Reminder that outing anybody without their consent, especially so you can brag about fetishising bi women, is inherently fucked up.